I CAN'T STOP FIXATING.

I just feel like I can't stop fixating. I feel like it's taking over my life. I feel like I don't have a choice when those thoughts make me feel like I absolutely have to do something ... that I have no choice ... that I have no option. I don't want to carry on. I don't want to just "get help". (EDIT / UPDATE [19 SEPTEMBER 2016]: Ugh. I lost the other edit thing that I wrote. Oh, well. Anyway(s) ... I have been looking into treatment options, psychologists, mental health centers and / or clinics. But we still need to wait for all of the insurance stuff to be worked out, and - even then - there's still no guarantee that they will choose to provide me with coverage again. I mean, they did stop my insurance plan / coverage for a reason right. It's not necessarily that I "don't want to get help". I've been researching my options. DUH. But I'm kind of getting sick of waiting and just continuing to live like this.) I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to carry on like this. I've considered psychologists and treatment, but everything has just been taking so long. And I know that it isn't the end of the world, but sometimes it just feels like the smaller the fixations are, the worse that it really is. I don't want people to think that I'm just trivializing the disorder if some of my fixations seem "too small" to them, but I know that my struggles are valid (even if stupid people that don't know might think the opposite). I know that fixations are fixations ... no matter how small. Obsessions are obsessions. Compulsions are compulsions. Those people that act like "BREAK THE STIGMA!" and then turn around and act like they get to make judgement calls on whether or not you have those problems ... THEY are the ones that are causing the stigma. "Oh, I get so p*ssed off when people think that they have OCD." If you're going to act like THAT, then why should anyone believe YOU either? Hmmm? That's such a bad attitude. That's such a horrible attitude. That's such a terrible attitude. Get over yourself! You're not the only person with OCD! You're not the authority on mental health! You don't have a say in whether or not someone else is really suffering! Get off of your little Whisper application / Buzzfeed soapbox. Stop being a selfish, spoiled little "social justice warrior". Other people have problems, too. And I know that I'm being kind of harsh here ... and I feel like I usually try to avoid that and keep it kind of calm ... or whatever ... but this is stupid. It's stupid that I even have to think about people like that telling me that I don't have a certain mental health problem just because some of the problems that I might mention are "too small". I haven't told you my whole life story, and I probably won't. I know what I have, and I know what I've gone through. I know that I don't have to care about what other people think, so I don't really need anyone to tell me that. If you think that this is being "too open" ... please. Talking about things is already complicated as it is. I don't need people telling me not to be "open" when being "open" is already complicated. No wonder so many more people have problems opening up, because they will be judged if they do. People will act like they are always like that. And I'm not saying that it's necessarily about judgements. Just ... whatever.