I've seen the title "Heathers" on Netflix before, but I didn't pay that much attention to it until I noticed that it was one of the movies in listed in the book "101 Things To Do Before You Die" under activity 57: See the All-Time Greatest Films - AND that Winona Ryder starred in it (a bonus for any movie)!
Heathers was Directed by Michael Lehmann and produced by Denise Di Novi.
*THIS IS BASICALLY A PLAY-BY-PLAY OF THE MOVIE AND CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!*
July 2015 | Movie starts: 10:17 P.M. (I paused it a few times to write some things down.)
The movie opens with a version of the song "Que Sera, Sera" Oh, I get it now. There are 3 girls named "Heather". Heather Chandler (aka Heather #1, blonde), Heather Duke (brunette), and Heather McNamara (blonde). Ah. And there's a girl (PLAYED BY WINONA RYDER), named Veronica Sawyer, that they push around. The Heathers are pretty idiotic and rude. They make her forge a note to trick a young overweight girl, named Martha (nicknamed "Martha Dump-Truck" by the Heathers), meant to be from some "cool boy", to make her think he likes her. She goes up to him and gets laughed at by the whole table. She is embarrassed and books it out of the room. Of course, the "cool/bad boy" who's misunderstood and oh, so profound, right? The dude (Jason Dean, aka J.D. played by Christian Slater) sounds like Crispin Glover, though, so that's pretty intriguing. He buys her a slurpee. So this girl HATES the clique of Heathers? Why the heck does she hang out with them?!? Popularity? What? WHY?!? So they go to a party and Veronica pukes on Heather #1's shoes. J.D. shows up at her house at out nowhere (?), half-climbs into her window, and then they have sex in the backyard. Oh, now they went to Heather #1's house and they're making her a concoction of a drink to make her sick and puke. Veronica wanted to give her milk and orange juice, but J.D. said to give her a toxic cleaner to drink. They were going to give her the milk/orange juice concoction, but Veronica accidentally grabbed the wrong cup, and so now the girl is dead. "I killed my best friend!" -Veronica. "You mean your enemy." -Jason. "Same difference." -Veronica. Probably the best lines so far! They are freaking out and Jason tells Veronica to forge a suicide note for Heather #1. SO WAIT, are they just going to kill all the Heathers? What?! Veronica is awkwardly taking a show with her clothes on, and now the school is having a meeting to discuss with the English teacher (?) about her suicide. Heather Duke pretends as if she was super close to Heather #1 as she is interviewed by the news and/or press. Now all of the teens are praying over her dead body at the Open Casket wake, and they all pray such selfish things. Wow, teenagers. Oh, I forgot to mention, this J.D. guy has a motorcycle. Yeah, of course. Heather McNamara now convinced Veronica to go with her and the evil jocks on an outing. Veronica makes her say that it's not going to be a gathering of getting sh*t-faced and tipping cows. But it is. Ugh, so cultured. J.D. comes along and "rescues" her and gets her another slurpee. Some girls talk to Veronica and imply that the evil jock told EVERYONE that she did sexual things with him (when she didn't). So now they (Veronica and Jason) are luring in the jocky boys, and planning to shoot them with a couple of tranquilizer bullets and frame them as "fruits" (gay), but J.D. shoots one in the throat. The other one runs away and J.D. chases him down and back to the clearing where Veronica was. The police arrive on the scene right away. They are running, and a police man is running the same way they are. They get into his car and quickly strip and start making out, so the cop thinks he just caught some teens in their underwear making out. They don't get caught. To quote Veronica, they are basically now "Bonnie and Clyde". They get into a fight in his car about him thinking she really wanted all those people to die, but she didn't. Heather McNamara says, "Young love," as she sees them. The English teacher (by this time I'm wondering if she's really an art teacher...?) makes a rally in the cafeteria and TV cameramen (for the news?) show up and everybody holds hands. Veronica, later at home that night, journals about what's going on. "Dear Diary, my teen angst bullsh*t has a body count." The next day, while at her boyfriend's house (J.D.'s house), his father walks in and shows them a tape of him blowing up a building. I'm not sure if he does it for movies or if he's a "demolition man" (a guy who demolishes buildings for a living). Jason tell her that he knows his mother's death wasn't an accident; she walked into a building that his dad was going to blow up and waved to J.D. before it happened, as if saying 'Goodbye.' Veronica decides to break up with J.D. because she now thinks he's twisted, but he grabs her and kisses her twice as she tries to leave. She tells him to stay away from her, and the next day at school, he blackmails Heather Duke into being on his side for something unbeknownst to us, the audience. He gives her Heather #1's red ribbon scrunchy. Veronica opens Heather #1's sealed locker and sees pictures of them together, and Heather Duke comes up to her. Veronica is mildly disgusted seeing her wearing the red scrunchy; a sign of betrayal. Heather #1 and Heather Duke didn't get along, as we found out a bit earlier. Heather Duke proceeds to steal things from the deceased Heather #1's locker. Veronica calls up her old friend, Bettie, whom she hasn't spent time with since she started hanging around the Heathers, and they hang out and play croquet, which they apparently play quite a bit during the movie (not that much though). Veronica is going to win, but misses for her old best friend; a sweet gesture. The two remaining Heathers show up at Veronica's house, which intimidates Bettie into leaving. A young, overweight high school girl who has been bullied, named Martha, decides to step into oncoming traffic, with a suicide note, to try to kill herself. Veronica tries to convince her parents that the TV news tape was glorifying suicide and making it seem cool. Heather Duke shows up to tell Veronica the news. Martha is still alive (Thankfully... poor girl), Heather Duke is laughing about it, making jokes about it, and Veronica slaps her. They listen to a radio show called, "Hot Probs," and hear their friend, the other Heather (McNamara), talking about how she's having a hard time in life and is miserable, and Heather Duke spreads it around the school and writes "Poor Little Heather" in cursive on the school chalk board. Heather McNamara (Blonde Heather #2) storms out, and Veronica follows her and finds her in the bathroom trying to O.D. on pills. She makes her spit them out and consoles her; she tells her that she shouldn't become just a statistic that was growing in the U.S.A. They agree to go somewhere the following day, just the two of them, as a way to cheer themselves up and get away from all of the horrible B.S. that's happening. J.D. convinces Brunette Heather to manipulate people into signing a petition about Big Fund or something, and she lies to people about what it's for to get signatures. I'm still not sure what the petition is for exactly. Big Fund or Big Funding, and it has to do with the suicide epidemic. "Why are you such a mega b*tch?!" -Veronica. "Because I can be." -Brunette Heather. WHAT A JERKETTE! J.D. comes to her and tries to talk to her; she jokes about slitting Brunette Heather's wrists and making it seem like a suicide. He tries to convince her that they should do it. She tells him that it IS over between them. She gets home to see that her parents talked to J.D. and he tried to convince them that she might commit suicide. He forges her handwriting in a note to her saying, "Recognize the handwriting?" It makes it seem like he might try to kill her and make it seem like a suicide. He then comes into her window and talks to her about writing a quote from Brunette Heather's copy of "Moby Dick" in her "suicide note". Veronica tells him he's psychotic. He gets a knife to slit Brunette Heather's wrists. They argue and she tells him that she won't forge another suicide note, to which he tells her that nobody cares about exact handwriting. Flash forward to a real weird wake where everyone is wearing white and what looks to be 3D glasses. The priest talks about the "Moby Dick" book and how there are underlined a lot of sentences and a single word "Eskimo", and he also talks about the crappy suicide note, which says, "Life Sucks," scribbled haphazardly on a paper in huge words. The remaining Heather (Heather McNamara, the 2nd blonde) tells Veronica that the turnout sucks and that she'll have AT LEAST 70 people at her funeral. How selfish. Veronica asks what she is doing there and it is implied that the last Heather is dead as well. It is then revealed that Veronica is dreaming. She wakes up to her mother calling her down to dinner, spaghetti with lots of oregano, her "favourite meal". She wakes up in the same position that she curled up in before J.D. came over. Veronica journals about J.D. and how he can't be stopped; she writes, "Let's see how he reacts to a suicide that he didn't perform himself." J.D. shows up with a gun to kill her, but it appears that she hung herself. I don't know if she really did or if she's tricking him. He says, "I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. I was... I was coming here to kill ya. First I was gonna to try to get you back with my amazing petition." He tells what he thinks is her dead body about what the petition really was; a suicide pact. He's planning to blow up the whole school the next day and frame it as a suicide. J.D. hears her mother coming upstairs, so he books it. She walks into the room and sees her daughter hanging. She starts to go on about how she should've let her daughter take that late night job at the mall, and then Veronica opens her eyes and looks up. She pulls the sheet and falls on her bed, lifting her top to untie the sheet from around her waist. The next day, Veronica goes to school and the English/Arts Teacher (or whatever) confronts her, saying that J.D. said she committed suicide. Veronica tells her to get a job and then hides as she sees J.D. He later sets up dynamite. They get into a fight, she says she's tired of cool guys like him, and in the end, he blows himself up with the dynamite in the school yard while she watches. She ends up befriending Martha, who is in a wheel chair. The movie ends almost nonchalantly as if nothing had even happened. Wow.
